Holding Up
by Mistress Taru
Summary: Joker wants Batman to feel the insanity, but have fun, as well. Disclaimers and warnings inside.


Title: Holding Up

Characters: BatmanxJoker

Rating: T for homosexual references

Disclaimer: I wish the Batman rights would be handed to me, but I doubt it will happen. I don't own Batman. Or Spiderman (I reference the first movie.)

"How's it hanging, Bats?" Joker laughed at his own pun as he and his henchmen played cards while Batman hung upside down and chained over boiling acid in Ace's Chemical warehouse. Yes, the same boiling acid that claimed the Joker's sanity all those years ago, the same warehouse where The Dark Knight achieved his greatest failure; NOT saving the crazed clown. "Bleh, I said that joke already. I need to write some new material." Joker shook his head and picked up a card from the deck.

"You won't get away with this, Joker." Batman struggled in the chains but it was taking him longer to get out since there were so many around him. The blood was rushing to his head and was making him dizzy. He looked down at the acid and cringed, thinking of the Joker falling in and not being able to save him that night.

"You need to write some new material too, Bats." The clown put his cards on the table and stood, grabbing a bottle from the ice tray and an empty glass. "We keep doing the same comedy routine over and over. Time to change things up, eh, Batsy?" He moseyed over to the railing, which was only a few feet from the upside down bat. Joker and Batman were eye level. "Champagne?"

"No." Batman scowled.

"Aw, come on, have a drink before you go completely insane." Joker poured champagne into the glass.

"I'm not going insane!" The Bat insisted.

"But you are insane…" Joker leaned in. "Just not completely." He splashed Batman in the face with the champagne and laughed. "Just think, you and me on the same intellectual level – you'll be more of a challenge! Maybe we'll be even better friends than we are already. Who knows? It'll be a pleasant surprise either way." The Clown lightly pushed the Dark Knight's forehead, making him swing backwards. "Why didn't I think of this before?" As Batman swung forwards, the Joker caught him before they clunked heads, holding the Bat's head in his hands and were touching noses. "Maybe because it sounds like something a lonely, twenty-year-old fan-girl would think of." He playfully rubbed noses with Batman. "This does look like something from a superhero movie I saw once."

"Don't touch me!" Batman head-butted the Joker away.

"Why you…" The clown hissed.

"Hey, puddin', it's your turn!" Harley called from the card table.

"You know what, everybody out!" Joker waved his arms towards the door. "This is between me and Batty! Get out!" As he was talking, Batman had himself mostly free from the chains, but still looked like he was tied up to wait for the right moment.

"But, Mistah J…"

"Get out." The clown used his scary low register to let everyone know he was serious. Everyone quickly left the room. "Now where were we… ah yes, confessing our love for each other!"

"I'm getting sick of your romantic jokes." Batman held the chains tightly.

"I'm getting sick of you not knowing when I'm serious!" Joker laughed, throwing the champagne bottle away and holding the glass up to the Bat's face. "I'm only doing this cuz I love you, Bats. I'm trying to help you understand me. Isn't that what you've always wanted?" The clown broke the glass on the side of Bruce's head. Luckily, due to the cowl, it didn't hurt much, but now he has a small cut on his exposed cheek. "Time to set sail!"

The Clown Prince went over to the reel that held the chains up. He started cranking, and the Batman started moving towards the acid slowly. As soon as he was below the railing and so Joker couldn't see him, the Bat escaped from the chains and grabbed the catwalk and shimmied across to where the laughing clown stood. The agile Bat flipped backwards over the rails and kicked Joker in the head, knocking him into the other side of the catwalk.

"How the hell did you get out?" Joker shook the dizziness away.

"How the hell do you keep getting out?" Batman walked over to the fallen jester.

"Touché." Joker smiled and swept his leg through Batman's ankles to knock the Dark Knight flat on his back. "And now you're on YOUR tush-ay!" The clown quickly got on top of Batman and pulled out his trusty handgun, pointing it to the Bat's head. Joker laughed but kept his eyes on the masked man, making sure he didn't do anything funny. That was HIS job, after all. "Oh, dear Bats, can't you see everything I do is for your best interests? I murder and steal so you have a reason to wear that silly outfit. I killed Robin Version II cuz I could tell you didn't like the brat. I crippled Batgirl cuz she was slowing you down. And now she's really slow." Joker cackled at his horrid joke.

Batman, needless to say, was pissed hearing the damned clown talk about his friends like that. The Bat grabbed Joker's wrist and got the gun away from his face. The clown fired the gun in surprise, but the bullet was wasted on the warehouse door. Batman flipped Joker off him and took the gun. The Bat was now in the Clown Prince's guard with the gun pointing at his stupid, smiling face…

Wait… Batman was holding up The Joker? With a gun? Joker was shocked at first, but then gave a sinister smile.

"Yeah, right. You would never…" Joker didn't finish that sentence. Batman put the tip of the pistol under the clown's chin. "Do you even know how to use that thing?" Joker was losing confidence.

"You disgust me, Joker." Batman couldn't believe he was doing this, either, but he had enough of this madman, and wanted to stop him for good.

"You're… really gonna kill me, huh?" Joker felt his heart race, mostly from delight, not fear. He always wanted Batman to go mad, to just let go, feel the insanity, and end him. He grinned his classic grin and relaxed, meeting his gaze with those blue eyes. "This is the way it was always supposed to be."

Yes, it was. Batman wanted to destroy this man, but something always held him back: the moral code. It would be so easy to just pull the trigger and be done with it. It would avenge all those innocent lives, Jason, Barbara… no it wouldn't. Killing this madman would not bring those people back… but it would stop him from killing more… The Dark Knight shook his head and growled, stopping his worsening train of thoughts. He pulled away and stood up, taking his finger off of the trigger.

"Bats…" Joker was disappointed.

"I'll never do it." Batman seemed to be disappointed in himself. "No one, no matter how evil, deserves to die by another's hand."

Joker was oddly touched by what the Dark Knight just said. Maybe it was just the way he said it… he brushed it off. He stood and dusted himself off. "You're an idiot, Bats."

"I know." Batman turned and threw the gun back to the jester, who caught it with one hand. Joker was confused. Why didn't Batman disarm the thing before giving it back? Or just not give it back at all? What is this, some kind of trick?

"Hey, you know, let's just forget about this whole thing." Joker threw the gun behind him, and it landed in the acid. "I'll let you go, just this once… unless you're gonna take me to Arkham…" He said that last part under his breath.

"I won't take you there, since you didn't do anything wrong."

"Wait… I didn't?" The Clown did a double-take.

"You didn't murder anyone, right?" Batman asked.

"I… guess not…" Joker scratched his head.

"Then I'll let you go, just this once." The Bat smirked at the clown.

"Someone didn't take their meds this morning." Joker scoffed. "You're acting loonier than if I did drop you into the acid… what's the gag, huh?" He took his eyes off the knight for a split second and he was gone. "Bastard." He said to himself. He looked down at the handgun bubbling in the acid. "I wonder if that thing will turn white and green."

END

A/N: Okay, this is probably the worst thing I ever wrote. I just barfed it out of my brain and onto paper without giving it much thought. I want to write another Batman/Joker fic, and this was kinda the prequel, but not really. Oh, and that twenty-something fangirl? Me. Lol. Bye.

Taru-chan


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